after the accident, i found my way to a walmart where i parked for the night. i connected with some friends and (a lil reluctantly) with some family. i was bummed, felt a lil defeated, but slept soundly under parking lights.
this morning, i woke up early ready to make the 150 miles to findley ohio to my aunt's house. i have noticed that honey (much like me) does not get going very well in the morning, but so far she always starts after a few tries. this morning: nothing. so, i hitchhiked to a gas station and back with my 5 gallon can, thinking that maybe she was just thirsty. she seems to only want to start after sitting for a night with at least a half tank of gas. after i gave her a drink, still nothing. so, i called AAA and waited. i got breakfast (a luxury i haven't really afforded myself) and got moon a new dog tag at the petsmart which was in the parking lot (her's was illegible). after an hour, AAA still hadn't showed up and had called informing me that they were delayed, so i tried again and she started up. so we went.
i am now parked in front of my aunt's house. she's picking my mom up from the airport in Detroit now, they should be back around dinner. after a few days of visiting, my mom and i will drive back to indiana in the honey, where she lives with my dad and where i grew up. it's odd to be in the driveway of this house. my grandmother lived in michigan and we lived in indiana, this house was, many times, a meeting point for our family. and i should note that my family on my mom's side (but really both) is matriarchal. i don't remember men being around, just a lot of women playing cards until the wee hours. they are nice memories. so, i am happy to be here and be apart of our matriarchal clan as a grown woman.
the new day brings new perspective. its a real bummer about the accident. but it wasn't my fault and i did everything i could to make it not happen (though even it was my fault, it's still an accident and not 'an on purpose' - like my mom would say), some things are unavoidable. everyday i draw more parallels between me and honey. things crash into us and we brace ourselves, we scarred and damaged but still running, we might not be beautiful from every angle on the outside but the inside is fucking beautiful and i made it that way (both in the honey and in my heart).
this journey is good, though bumpy. i can feel myself mellowing out, that high strung nature that i fight all the time is dissipating with every set back. i am kinder, i make jokes with strangers more often and watch them smile, i connect more, i have yet to make work - but i'm still figuring this thing out, the studio is there and will be used. a former self, would be focusing on all that is fucked up. but i am mostly thinking about what is wonderful: the honey runs and is comfortable - a wonderful lil home, i have support from friends and family, my furry babies are so funny and are the best companions, i catch myself smiling so hard it hurts while i drive, i sing really loud, i have yet to meet a rude or unengaged person (minus the cop from the accident).
i'll let you know what happens to honey after she sees a mechanic, hopefully it will be tomorrow or friday.